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Reply To Some Verses Of J.M.B. Pigot

On The Cruelty Of His Mistress

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=F

 Cast

Lord Byron

John Pigot

Elizabeth Pigot 

Coquette – a lady of French origin

 

  F

 

SCENE 1

 

​1807, Southwell - Byron and Pigot are idling on the village green

 

B: Why, Pigot, complain of this damsel’s disdain? - why thus in despair do you fret?

JP: She’ll have nothing to do with me until I’m fully qualified, with my own thriving practice

B: For years you may try - yet, believe me - a sigh, sans significant future prospects, will never obtain Coquette (starts) - Coquette? - is she French? - be damned - rascally language - claimed my Sire - a Gallante of the first order 

JP: She seems to believe my homage a debt!

B(whispers with care): I have a damned good cure my friend; would you teach her to love? - it’s a swiz once you know how - firstly - for a time seem to rove..

JP: Middling gentleman do not behave in such a manner Byron - Elizabeth would never be able to find a husband if I behaved like a London lobby lounger

B: It is your best chance, my friend, if you sincerely want this Coquette piece.. 

JP: er - I’m reconsidering, nay, wavering (paces)

B: You’ll get over that - now - at first she may frown in a pet - but leave her awhile - she shortly will smile - and then, by the larkins! - you may kiss your Coquette

JP: I remain unconvinced that any of the sex, no matter how fair, could so readily have faith in such manoeuvres

B(eating an apple): It is all part of the dance of the little death and must be endured

Pigot: No (it’s a determined one) - I will waste no more of my youth on her frowns and pets, the airs of the fanciful fair (spies a roundel of village girls in red coats) - NO! it is set - not until I have established myself as a bonesetter  in the Outer Hebrides, will I contemplate acquiring a wife

 

B jumps up from the grass with the grace of a harlequin, puffs his chest - and would stretch his braces, but they’re a bit too comfortable

 

B: For me, I adore some twenty or more, and love them most dearly but yet though my heart they enthral, I’d abandon them all did they act like your rakish Coquette.

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F

 

SCENE 2

 

C catches up with JP & B lounging on the cricket pitch - JP's hound Wousky barks excitedly they don’t rise

 

C: Hallo Mr. Piglet, how are you today - my, your little dog, he does not like the French, no? heh (tries her best) - er - this, it is a nice field

JP: Oh, yes, I see you there Coquette - would you care to be our bowler?

C: Who is that friend you have, lounging with such nonchalant ease?

JP: My friend - Lord Byron - a man of immense estates - though lacking ready cash - and the family jewels are in the pawn - to be sure

C: Allo Lord (waves - B continues in his task of getting a decent shine on the cricket ball)

C:(seeing that Gentlemen are thin on the ground at this moment) I regret to tell you John, that your partial neglect indeed took an effect, and humbled the proudest Coquette (sits on grass)

 

B & JP exchange glances

 

JP(smirking): Charming quality that - humility - eh what Byron?

 

Byron looks up to agree - sees Coquette, with unnaturally tiny hands and fairy feet and auburn hair cascading freely down her back in a more Continental arrangement than would usually be found amongst the ladies of Southwell

 

B: Ahem (flutters eyelashes and knocks voice down a good octave) - I have a goodly amount of French Ancestry - Normans you know - do you know any Normans, Mademoiselle Coquette? - no? - they are very much an elite, aloof department of old society - old - would you like a curl of my hair?

C: John, some other medical Adonis has melted my fire - an Eye, Ear & Throat Surgeon with a coach and four

B(mystified): If you will permit - is this of a long acquaintance?

C: No, I’ve had un couple of Englishmen on the go - mais Piglet - how he plays and toys and leads me on a dance! tsk - what amateurs in the game of love - and marriage - you are! tsk! pfff

JP(stricken): Byron!! You wretched ghoul!! (snatches cricket ball) I will have satisfaction, sir!

B(guffaws): Cool your boots, dissemble your pain, and lengthen your chain (aside) -‘tis but a commonplace ruse

C: It is not from false pride your pangs I deride, Monsieur Pigot - this whimsical virgin will not forget you playing silly games

JP(glowering at B): And your advice - to laugh at little Coquette?!! You - the London-based frequenter of love?! 

B(nonplussed): Fact is - friend of my quietude - I have very little experience of the French - excepting some particularly fine ballarinas (loses concentration)

C: My vacance is over - I must depart - adieu John Pigot - I shall never cease to laugh at your overtures (blows kiss, saucily)

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Wousky - the least faithful of hounds - runs after C​

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F

 

SCENE 3

 

Back at chez Pigot

 

EP: My dear Brother - what ails you?

JP: That rosy Coquette?

EP: I recall

JP: Our ex-bosom chum, that Lord Byron, as he styles himself…

EP: John! Do not talk of our betters in such a manner! - they who made greater use of common land by enclosure in order that we all may admire their parks, ponds etc. on a day out

JP: Well, I…I think I challenged him somewhat (EP drops her note book and watercolours)… he will not act - he too is a man of passion where the fair ones are concerned. Anyway - back to my bleeding heart - my blooming Coquette is to be married! She derided my pangs Elizabeth!! (sobs)

 

Enter B - smiling like the gates of Heaven - bows to the company

 

B: Elizabeth, my dear Bess - John, I have something for you (smiles, yet again blinding the siblings)

EP: Whisht awhile Byron - John is not in possession of fine firearms - an Indian sword from my ex-betrothed is about it - in terms of defence

B: What? (laughs, again) zounds!! That I could in any way fire upon my friend? - although a quack in training would be an admirable target

JP(brow decontracts): Thanks - although my Coquette has broken through her slight-woven net, because of your lousy advice - I would not like to be on the receiving end of your Mantons

B: Quite right - I can see your deep-wounded heart is incensed by the smart

EP: He’s in an awful state

B: To restore your good opinion of me, my title, and talents - which I appreciate the encouragement of by yourself and my good Queen Bess - I have bought you a gift

 

Coquette appears at the door

 

JP: By my thunder!!

B: You doubted me - my country pickle! Ha!

 

B leads Coquette in by her very tiny white fairy hand

 

C: I was but quizzing you, mon Piglet - which Lord says makes me as evil as the local girls around here - I wanted to teach you how to love - and stop faffing around like tout les Anglais

B: Away with despair, Pigot - no longer forbear to fly from the captious Coquette!!

 

B reaches for some Mead

 

B: We shall raise our glasses to Pigot and Coquette - shall we not Queen Bess?

EP: We must - to peace between England and France!

JP: And to the Outer Hebrides, I guess!

C(triumphantly): To the game of love, mon Piglet - and its merry little dance!

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F

 

END

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