Byron's Troubles in the Rhineland

 

 

Cast

Lord Byron

Fletcher

Dr. Polidori

the Family Flippenflöpinn

 

Scene 1

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1816, Byron's top-of-the-range travelling coach has broken down in Brussells

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F: My lord - we will miss our booking at the Cure imperial!

B: I beg your pardon, - Fletcher take those two eggs out of your mouth - Our Inn? - furnished us with beds & a “flaggon of Rhenish”

As the low Countries did not make part of my plan (except as a route), I feel a little anxious to get out of them. Level roads don’t suit me, as thou knowest; it must be up hill or down, and then I am more au fait.

but Mr . Baxter’s wheels and springs have not done their duty – for which I beg that you will abuse him like a pickpocket (that is – He – the said Baxter being the pickpocket) and say that I expect a deduction – having been obliged to come out of the way to this place – which was not in my route – for repairs – which however I hope to have accomplished so as to put us in motion in a day or two

bandits

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Scene 2

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The worst Inn in Carlsruhe

 

polidori ill

 

 

 

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Scene 3

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A thundering rap on the door, B opens slowly, fully dressed in night apparel

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HD: Open this door - I know my wife is in that bed with you! - I saw the hem of her nighting-gown get caught on the handle

B: Whatever are you talking about - there is no-one in here with me

HD: You will let me in immediately if you are so sure, mein Lord

B: You will not enter my chambers, Herr Glott, if you are a gentleman

HG: Gentleman! - You English think you can commit such domestic atrociousness if you use that word with anything!

B: Indeed, we do - and we can - now, you will take that large boot from my door, apologise for your affront to my honesty and virtue - and leave

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A crowd has gathered on the landing - HG's honour is, too, now compromised

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HG: Er - I will not - let me in - I am the owner and I suspect my wife to have been compromised by you (struggles to get boot out of door)

FG: Herman!! Vot are you doing?!

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Fraulien Glott emerges from her bedroom in a rage, the landing audience roar

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HG: Vot? Vot?

FG: You dumpkoft! - you have waken the whole house - apologise to milord - curtseys (drags husband back)

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B collapses into bed

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B: I shall have no peace on land!

FG(emerges from under sheet): Mein Gott - papa has such a temper!

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