An Occasional Prologue

Delivered by the Author

previous to the Performance of

‘The Wheel of Fortune’

At a Private Theatre

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Cast

Lord Byron

John Pigot

A Bevy of Southwell Belles

Elizabeth Pigot

Catherine Byron

Reverend Becher

 

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 Scene 1

 

1806 - P & B are travelling to Southwell, where the production will take place

 

B(settling in, unwrapping jellied partidges): Now Pigot, I’ll spin a prologue for our play - be damned to my French - Pigot? - what is the correct pronunciation of  ‘debut’? (opens writing slope replete with ink, paper, seals and pink silk ribbons with curls attached)

P: day - byou

B: byou? - mmm - that will do for rhyme to new - excellent - what a very odd language

P: We are almost there Byron - you can finish it after supper

B: ‘Tis done!

P: By the devil, is it? Well, I do hope Becher is as prompt with his epilogue (furrows brow) I confess to nerves Byron - I feel I lack convincing mannerisms 

B: pfft - that is not uncommon to embryo actors - as for myself - I’ve shone in Harrow speeches and other private theatricals (is delighted with himself) - I’m already rehearsing my maiden speech for the Lords by practicing my acoustics vigorously with my amiable Mama -(B consoles) - 'tis easy enough - just imagine the audience in their small cloathes 

P: I wouldn't pass that direction on to Reverend Becher - or our pious Southwell maids

B: Damnable suspension in this coach! - I’ve spilled ink all over my nankeens!!

P: Let me read your prologue (grabs same) while you change into one of the twenty spare pairs you have in your trunk

 

B wriggles in and out of his nankeens with astonishing speed

 

P: Deuced if you don’t have us all mimicked to rights! - you dog! (laughing into his partridge) - it won't stand! 

B: I have a plan re. bamboozlement of same - for which I shall enlist your help, Pigot

P: Fine - so long as you don't cut my lines and put me on lighting

B: Lord above - we’re here already!

 

Coach pulls into Southwell - J and B leap out - B is already gesticulating and vocalising on the village green

 

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 SCENE 2 

 

B enters CB's mansion in the village, Burgage Manor

 

CB: So - you’re home! Where have you been? Have you been thrown out of  Cambridge already? Did that bear eat a minor divine? Why is your hair growing in uneven patches? Have you found a Golden Dolly yet? What am I to do? The upholsterers, shutter-makers, and ornamental gilders are tormenting me! Have you eaten?

 

B bows theatrically to his mother

 

CB: You devil!! You’re just like your father - God rest him

B: Mother, we have a part for you in our play - the other performers will be young ladies and gentlemen of the neighbourhood 

CB(urgently): Does Lord Grey de Ruthven have a role?

B: Our tenant is in need of medical attention after being caught poaching on the Chaworth manor - your role is pivotal - will you take it? - it involves insulting me and my people

CB(is aglow): I shall write my own lines

EP and JP enter: Hallo Mrs. Byron

CB: Hallo my friends - please leave Boatswain outside - he slobbers over my chintzes

B: I shall enact Penruddock in ‘The Wheel of Fortune' - Pigot here shall play Timothy Weazel, Bess - Emily - and mother will play Dame Dunkley

CB: ‘Dame' ? - well - that is excellent casting Byron! as you know (to J & E Pigot) James 1 was my grandfather

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The Rev. Becher enters

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Rev.B: Hallo the company!

B: Super-excellent timing Becher - I have a part for you in tonight's production - Jenkins, the Butler - pivotal - as you know

Rev.B: Always in formal attire - never the warmly-drawn love interest - anyway Byron - may I read your prologue? (reads and is alarmed)

Rev.B: This is quite alarming - it will not stand Byron - the actors - esp. the ladies - will refuse to perform after being ridiculed on stage like this! Even the sternest censor, to the fair must yield!

B: To quiet their apprehensions - I will oblige and assure them that if - after having heard it at rehearsal, they do not of themselves pronounce it harmless, and even request that it should be preserved, I will most willingly withdraw it (winks at Pigot) - all that remains is to find a good-natured audience, for three nights running 

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CB feeds crumpets to Boatswain as the assembled company start rehearsing

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SCENE 3

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The actors are assembled on stage - Byron and Pigot enter

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B: Charming - charmant - young ladies - very well got up you are - as fine an apparatus of actresses as I've ever seen - including London or Cheltenham

P: Mrs. Byron and Elizabeth - you have both costumed yourselves with admirable vigour

CB: 'Twould appear I am playing a servant? At a cottage? BYRON!!! A servant!! - where are my tongs!!

B(consoling - and also lying): No mother - there is a secret coroneting at the end - you must have missed it

CB: Oh

B: Now! As we are all rehearsed up to our oxters - Pigot will recite my prologue - and, as promised, if any of you feel we are cutting a sham - it will not be performed (Pigot winks) - over to you - a hand for John Pigot

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Actors applaud but seem concerned - Pigot reads the piece as a particularly joyless Sunday sermon half-way during Lent - actors seem relieved 

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EP: I wonder how a suspicion of waggery could have attached itself to so well-bred a production?

Rev B: Why - the verses are innocent, and are as free from all sharp points as possible - there isn't even any mimicry - forsooth - there is no sting in any of these pleasantries. My fellow thespians - I feel we can trust Byron on this occasion

B: Now - are we good to go - yes? - oons! to the drama!!

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Noise from the gathering audience - Pigot, dressed as a yellow-eyed legal man, appears in front of the curtain

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P: Welcome my fellow Southwellians - tonight we bring you ‘The Wheel of Fortune' starring Lord Byron, his Hon. Mother and a smattering of local stunners. I will commence proceedings with His Lordship's Prologue - ahem -

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“No Cooke, no Kemble, can salute you here,

No Siddons draw the sympathetic tear

To-night you throng to witness the début
Of embryo actors, to the Drama new.."(B: damned good rhyme that)

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(Pigot proceeds to give it the full Byron of unsparing wit and cutting mimicry)

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EP(behind stage): Byron - you have scurvily tricked us! - you have made us into figures of low amusement (the outraged dramatis personæ prepare to leave when they hear the audience convulsed with laughter )

JP: It was Pigot's idea - besides - my loyal, talented troupe  - some of whom are tenants - at least the audience is in good cheer - perchance drunk - and we may take the field with confidence 

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Muttering amongst actors

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EP: It is agreed - no venal views our progress can retard - any generous plaudits are our sole reward!

Rev.B: (rouses the players - as per a more inspiring Sunday sermon): Here, then - our almost unfledged wings we can but try - should our feeble efforts naught avail - should our best endeavours fail - I feel certain our friends shall find mercy in their bosoms - and if they can't applaud - they will at least forgive

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Actors concede and join in with the raucousness - B takes to the stage with great naturalness - followed - without cue  - by CB wearing a coronet. 

 

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END